It’s with a very heavy heart that I write about my recent family loss. I have to admit that I am not one to get super into the whole resolution-ness that is the New Year. But I felt myself getting really excited for 2010.

On the flip side my little sister (24 years old) chose to end her life on January 19th, 2010 by jumping off the Coronado bridge in San Diego. No one in my family saw this coming. My sister never mentioned suicide. I feel like it would be fair to say that she was caught in a downwhirl spiral in the months leading up to her death. Maybe even the last couple of years. Through it all my parents never gave up on her. The problem was that she gave up on herself and death seemed like an easier option than working through the things that she never wanted to talk about.

I’m probably going to come off as being a horrible person. But I had to detach myself from Heather. She just hurt me too many times in a lot of different ways. When she died I can’t say that I felt the way that I thought I would have felt (had I thought about the scenario before it actually happened).  Just a lot of numbness.

I’d like to say I miss her and I do, I guess. I’m just not sure exactly what it is that I miss since I probably saw or spoke to her less than a handful of times each year (post High School years). I moved away from home after High School (Boulder and San Francisco) and she never moved outside of San Diego.

The weirdest part now is getting used to the idea that I’m going to grow older without her. That’s hard. That and sometimes I think about the future and at some point when I’m older I’ll have to explain to someone that when I was younger I had a little sister that died when I was twenty-six. My dad had an older sister that died very young. So I guess that’s why I think about that scenario down the line.


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